My relationship with my family today

I talk to my mother frequently, but we never talk about my father or the abuse.  My relationship with my sister is getting better; we text each other more frequently.  I don’t talk to my brothers James or Kevin that much.  I don’t talk to my brother Brian at all,  because he”s just weird.  I talk to my brother Dennis when he answers the phone for my mom.  I will never changed my last name back.

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it takes great courage

it takes great courage to break the silence of sexual abuse. Secrets fester in the darkness and you wonder what would happen to your life .  Will anyone believe me and will this destroy my family are just some of the questions victims are faced with every moment of the abuse.  A tremendous amount of guilt and shame is attached to sexual abuse,  as well as emotional abuse.

seasonal affective disorder

In the winter months it’s hard to get vitamin D, which can cause seasonal depression. I believe most people get  their  Vitamin D from sunlight.  the lack of sunlight can cause people to be depressed or moody. Try to keep your self active and you may want to consider taking a vitamin D supplements during the winter months.

me too {sexual abuse}

I was about seven years old when my father started started  to sexually molest me. When he would come home from work he would give me a kiss by   slipping his tongue into my mouth. The ironic thing is that I came from hey big family, but everyone  says they didn’t see anything. I remember the very first time my dad molested me, I was how about 7 years old. I remember that day like it was yesterday. My dad got me off the school bus which was highly unusual, because my mom will always be home when I get off the bus. my dad laying me on his chest and slipping his tongue into my mouth and putting his hands under my shirt and feeling my chest. He took his penis out of his pants and told me to lick it. Luckily my mom came home before that incident could go any further. He  was so close to being caught.  I had to endure many similar instances like that. I remember sometimes I would break down and cry during the assault and he tried to assure me that he wasn’t doing anything wrong, but I knew better somewhere inside I knew better. Each time I got molested by my father I felt like he was taking apart of my soul. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. It happened so much that I began to lose my face and God. That I remember very distinctly remember saying I don’t believe in God and I felt my connection to him sever. All I wanted to do was is die. Have felt abandoned by God and everybody that was supposed to protect me. I knew my family when that go against their father and I was right. I think I was about 14 when I went to school one day with all this stuff heavy on my mind. I remember I confessed to my friend Lucy about everything that was happening to me. It felt good to get the weight of the world off my shoulders. I struggled with my identity as a person and my belief in God. I didn’t talk to God for many years, because I was angry said he did not protect me. Years later I found out that my mothers older children from a previous marriage accused my father of the same thing. I felt betrayed by this. How could you possibly keep having children by a man who rapes kids? Why would you allow your disabled child to be alone with him?

include your wheelchair and your Halloween costume!

and when I was a child my mother went all out for Halloween. my mother would help me and becoming whatever scary Undead thing I wanted to be and she would always decorate my wheelchairs. She never judge me for being too gory or creepy. One year I had a tombstone with bloody hands take to my headrest and black and orange streamers and my wheels and that cobweb stuff all over my tray.

I’m excited about Halloween

  • Everytime I think of Halloween, I remember how my mom would help me decorate my chair to go with whatever costume I was wearing. And it didn’t matter how   gruesome I was people always thought I was  cute. That used to really irritate me. I always thought myself a really dark creepy kind of person. I guess that’s why I really love Halloween, because it’s the only thing me and my mom ever did together. 

Don’t fall for the fake friendship

A lot of personal care assistants will try to fake a friendship with you, so they can avoid doing actual work. This will make taking care of you harder on the person coming in behind them. You need to remember that they are there because they’re getting paid to be. A lot of  Pca’s  start to feel burnt out because their clients expects them to hang out with them all the time. This can cause resentment with both parties. Personal care assistance will point out all the reasons why your other staff is it taking care of you right, just so they can get the hours. In this field pca’s are always trying to gain more hours. Sometimes it’s more  convenient to start drama with the client you already have and coworkers,  so they don’t have to go find another client.

Cowriter

If you have a disability that affects your speech like I do, you may need an alternative to speech recognition.  As a blogger, which can be tedious and time consuming.  When I was a little girl in school I used to use a word prediction program. I know at first it seems like archaic technology, but some people cannot reach the keyboard to select words on the screen.

Voice recognition sounds like the ultimate writing tool, but if you cannot talk in a consistent tone in phrases, you will have trouble.  Background noise is a big factor in voice recognition.   Check out donjonston.com.