me too {sexual abuse}

I was about seven years old when my father started started  to sexually molest me. When he would come home from work he would give me a kiss by   slipping his tongue into my mouth. The ironic thing is that I came from hey big family, but everyone  says they didn’t see anything. I remember the very first time my dad molested me, I was how about 7 years old. I remember that day like it was yesterday. My dad got me off the school bus which was highly unusual, because my mom will always be home when I get off the bus. my dad laying me on his chest and slipping his tongue into my mouth and putting his hands under my shirt and feeling my chest. He took his penis out of his pants and told me to lick it. Luckily my mom came home before that incident could go any further. He  was so close to being caught.  I had to endure many similar instances like that. I remember sometimes I would break down and cry during the assault and he tried to assure me that he wasn’t doing anything wrong, but I knew better somewhere inside I knew better. Each time I got molested by my father I felt like he was taking apart of my soul. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. It happened so much that I began to lose my face and God. That I remember very distinctly remember saying I don’t believe in God and I felt my connection to him sever. All I wanted to do was is die. Have felt abandoned by God and everybody that was supposed to protect me. I knew my family when that go against their father and I was right. I think I was about 14 when I went to school one day with all this stuff heavy on my mind. I remember I confessed to my friend Lucy about everything that was happening to me. It felt good to get the weight of the world off my shoulders. I struggled with my identity as a person and my belief in God. I didn’t talk to God for many years, because I was angry said he did not protect me. Years later I found out that my mothers older children from a previous marriage accused my father of the same thing. I felt betrayed by this. How could you possibly keep having children by a man who rapes kids? Why would you allow your disabled child to be alone with him?


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