My doctor says she’s still concern about my weight. She said that I probably could get off of some of the medications that I take if only I would lose some weight. I know what I have to do I just can’t make myself motivated enough to care. To be honest, sometimes the thought of adding 30 to 40 more years to my life is scary to me because that is there is a 40 years pain. Who in the right mind would put themselves through that on purpose? I’m not suicidal, I will live as long as God wants me to, but to purposely and 30 to 40 more years to my life sounds crazy to me. I wish I could find how reasons see you ignite that’s the spark for the life I had once.
I still feel this insurmountable amount loneliness. I wouldn’t say that is just part of my depression, but I’ve been feeling this way my entire life. I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. Maybe I’m just meant to walk this world alone. I want to feel like this life is a gift, but what kind of gift makes you feel like crap all the time? I spend most of my time hiding the way I truly feel. I feel like I am living a dishonest life.
The things you have to go through when you’re a non-ambulatory quadriplegic. I needed to get this urine test for my doctor. I did not want to do the usual method of having a straight Cath done at the hospital, because evidently Hamot hospital doesn’t know the correct location to put the catheter. In the past my private area will be sensitive and sore for a couple of weeks. I had to call around to all of these different Laboratories and not an easy task. Try to explain to a lady why a 37 year old needs a cath beg for an infant.
I am going to see Gilbert Brantley, who is a country singer for those who don’t know. I’m very excited about this concert. I feel I’m getting out into the community is very important when you have a disability.